Good news!

I met with my Voc Rehab counselor yesterday. The evaluation I took in December proved that I'm capable of reaching my goal. They're going to back me in going to school! YEEE! I'm really excited. I hope I don't wuss out, especially now that I've got government backing. That's all for now.

Whew...

The hearing problem wore off. Words cannot describe how relieved I am.

Dammit.

I may have suffered permanent hearing damage because I fell under the spell of a beautiful doctor. She said to put FIVE ear drops into each ear FIVE times a day. She even held up her hand to show me. I was paying attention. I always pay attention to beautiful women. Anyway, I went to the drug store and got the ear drops, and did EXACTLY what she told me... I didn't READ the label for the written dosage, because I can count the number of fingers on a woman's hand. Today, I used the drops after a shower, and at first, I thought THAT was why it feels like I've got water trapped in my ear. But I cleaned it out, used the drops, and everything... and it's still fuzzy. I can barely hear out of that ear. I talked to my friend Jen about swimmer's ear earlier, and she said you have to use drops to clear it up. So I decided to read the instructions to THESE drops to see what it says about using them when you've got water IN your ears. Nope, nothing like that... but it DOES say "For adults: 4 drops in each ear 3 to 4 times a day. Discontinue if sensitization or irritation occurs. MAY CAUSE PERMANENT HEARING DAMAGE under the following conditions..." Now, when I saw that, my initial thought was "Oh shit." So, I picked up the box it came in from the pharmacy and according to that, Dr. McFineass ordered "FIVE drops in each ear THREE to FOUR times a day, up to SEVEN days." She TOLD me five times a day, dammit. Now, true, I didn't use them five times a day Thursday, and I probably didn't yesterday either. But Friday I'm pretty sure I did. And today, I can't hear out of my left ear.

I PRIDED myself on my exceptional hearing. I'm the only person in this household who COULD hear. And now... fuck. I sure hope this is temporary. I'm calling first thing tomorrow morning if this "swimmer's ear" doesn't wear off. I've never had it to last more than a day, even though it stuck with Jen for over a week. I'm super fucking pissed about this. I know, what she prescribed was only ONE drop difference, but when you read the ingredients and the HAZARDS of this stuff, you think, "She told me to use one more drop than their suggested dosage... and they flat-out TELL you that it can cause permanent hearing damage." She didn't say anything of the sort to me.

Now, I know, it's partly my fault for not reading the instructions BEFORE I used them. But it's also partly HER fault for writing the prescription for FIVE drops when the instructions say four. If she doesn't have a solution to this problem, I could call my lawyer and see if I have a case for malpractice. And I'm not the type of guy who thinks legal action is the answer... USUALLY. But this is my fucking hearing. It means a LOT to me. I'm genetically predisposed to losing it ANYWAY, but not all at once, and certainly not at the age of 28. GRRRRR

More writing stuff.

So, we didn't go to the writers' meeting Monday. I wanted to, but we spent too much time at the Alltel store. I got a cool new phone. =) We can do the writers' meeting next month, I guess.

In other news, I wrote a new short story of 450-or-so words for the Writers Digest "Your Story" competition. The prompt was "A character walks into a kitchen at the end of the day and finds something on the table that isn't supposed to be there." I could have gone with a severed head, but I decided to do something poignant about mental illness... a subject I know a little something about. I might blog it later... but then again, if it wins, WD is supposed to get exclusive first rights so they can put it on THEIR website. So... I'll wait until next month to see if I place in the top 5. hehehe

Speaking of WD contests, the deadline for the big one is coming up in May. I'll enter it kind of early this year. I'm not sure what to enter, though. Last year I submitted my BEST short story and didn't even place in the top 100... and I've only written like, one short since then. It's been a dry year, you know? That story I typed out last night was the first complete story I'd written in a long time. Since like, last August. Yeah.... long time. But I think I'm going to look online for a how-to-format page for writing play scripts. I already wrote a musical, but it's not in the right format. Or, I might use my zombedy screenplay. That would be something fresh. I hadn't finished it yet last year when I entered the contest. It could work.

That's all for now. More later. TTFN

Query and stuff.

So, Saturday I finished editing My Best Novel. I took out the four page smutfest and finished numbering the chapters. I also decided that "Thieves of the Odic Force" sounds too... George Lucas. So I renamed it The Odic Touch. Then, that night, I wrote a quick query, which I edited and finally emailed to a literary agency last night. This particular agency doesn't ask for excerpts until AFTER they read the query. I sure hope I made it sound interesting enough. Here's what I said:

"The Odic Touch, a dark thriller with a New Age twist, is approximately 158,000 words and features the concept of psychic vampires in the society of the Southern American states circa the year 2000. Our protagonist in the novel is a man whom, after losing his wife, discovers a gift he possesses which he thinks of as vampirism; or, as one man with the gift called it, the Odic touch. Soon after, a series of related murders occur, leaving our protagonist as the lead suspect. He must then go to great lengths to prove his innocence; if, in fact, he is innocent."

I probably should have gone into greater detail about the story and the characters... but I wanted to get them interested, and for that, I didn't want to say too much. Sometimes less is more. I'm going to look at the other agencies in my Favorite Places to see if any of them accept simultaneous submissions. I must check the one I submitted to already first. I don't want to screw up.

My sister will be home soon, and then I will know whether or not we're going to the writers' meeting. I really want to. I can take the first chapter of my novel and see if they think it's print-worthy...

That's all I've got for now. More later.

Writing revelation...

So, in editing My Best Novel, I discovered a hell of a shocker... a sex scene, four pages in length. Now, I wrote this book 8 years ago, so I was a 21-year-old virgin. BUT, I had recently had a girlfriend at the time, so sex was pretty much constantly on my mind. Now, at the age of 28, I realize that we can't all write like Anne Rice. And I am GLAD that I have not been published yet. I still have a lot to learn about writing, and if I had been published 8 years ago, I'd be that sex-crazed author with a vendetta against poodles. (I omitted Vicky Argo's poodles from the story so as to spare them from her psychotic husband and a 21-year-old me.)

I'm still editing, but will most likely finish tonight. Then, the query-writing process begins. I am NOT looking forward to that at all, because they expect me to turn a 600-page novel with dozens of characters and subplots into three sentences. I don't know how I'm going to do it. But, as I wrote myself (and didn't remember writing until I saw it today), "The sooner you get started, the sooner you can brag to your buddies about how easy it was." Apparently, that's what psycho cop Harold Argo's grandfather used to say. Little details like that fell through the cracks in my brain. 8 years' worth of cracks.

So yeah, I gotta get busy. More later!

So...

I didn't go to the funeral. I wanted to, but no one in the family was able to take me. It bummed me out, but I'm over it... for the most part. I've been having headaches and bad dreams lately, I kind of wonder if maybe it stems from that disappointment. Probably not though.

I started editing my longest work, a novel called Thieves of the Odic Force, a few days ago. I've chosen it as my query subject. Once I finish editing it, I'm going to submit queries to agencies. I NEED to do this.

In other news, I watched Across The Universe the other night and LOVED it. It was amazing.

Not much else to say, so... I won't say it. TTFN

Can't help but wonder...

Yesterday, my dad told me that his first cousin Roy (we were both named for Daddy's grandfather) killed himself in his bathroom. His mother had done the exact same thing when he was a kid, and he had a lot of emotional problems, probably stemming from that. At the last family reunion, he confided in my dad that he had stopped taking all his anti-depressants in order to stop gaining weight. Anyway, he and his wife were having a lot of problems, and... he did it. He had a ten-year-old son who is going to come of age without his father. That's depressing and I feel bad for his family. That's one hand...

On the other hand... and I feel terrible about this... but I feel a huge sense of relief. It sounds bad, but allow me to explain. In February of 1999, I went into our bathroom and did the same thing. My dad came home early from work and found me. But that's not the weird part. It wasn't my dad who saved me, it was God. I felt it. It's too much to go into, and I doubt anyone would believe me anyway, but... when that happened, I decided to turn my life around. I had one slip-up in 2001 when I tried to kill myself again, but once again it was foiled. I've been solid since then, but the thought lurks. All part of being mentally "unstable," I guess.

Anyway, I don't think it's a coincidence at all. I fully believe in signs from a higher power. I feel guilty about it, but I think Roy's suicide... it's like that part of me died. I didn't know him on a personal level, and I can't even call his face to mind... but I'm going to his funeral. It feels like the right thing to do, for me to say goodbye to a chapter of my life, and also to talk to his family about the reasons a person might do that. I can offer condolences as well.

As I said, I don't think it's a coincidence, not that we share a namesake or that we chose the same means of suicide, nor do I think it's a coincidence that this happened at THIS stage in my life. I decided to get my learner's permit and get my dad to teach me to drive. (The suicide also made me think about how he must have felt in 99, and I'm going to make up for it by bonding with him a little more.)

I'm also going to stop living up to everyone else's expectations and do what I've always wanted to do. I've always wanted to go to USCA because of their writing program, and that's what I'll do, even if it means living on-campus in Aiken or driving there daily, like Ashleah does now. Ashleah wants to go to school in Savannah or North Georgia so that she can get a teaching certificate. I'm not going to stand in the way of that, nor am I going to let it take control of what I need to do for myself, even though I'd LOVE to move to Savannah.

I know God works in mysterious ways... and I think this is an example. But I can't shake this twinge of guilt about how I'm almost celebrating someone else's hardships. I guess it's all part of the learning process, how I'm supposed to start being more independent and stop trying to live for others.

Quit being a sissy, Roy.

I've decided to stop living up to everyone else's expectations. I depend on my family so much that it's a handicap. I need to grow up. I'm 28, for crying out loud. I AM going to the college of my choice, I'll just have to get a driver's license and a car. I'm terrified of driving, but I've put it off way too long. It's something I HAVE to do.

I'm still having ideas for graphic novels. I counted... 26. I'm about 21 pages into my FIRST one... which, as far as the chronology goes, is not really the first one at all. It's a superhero team story. I'm doing the team story before I do the origin stories of each character. That used to annoy me about animated shows, how we'd see a character in the middle of a story, without knowing how he/she came to do these things. But, "Year One" books are popular. I can go back with all of them. There are about 6 origin books which I PLANNED on doing first, but the team story came together the easiest. I've been slack lately though. I haven't written a page in that story in days. Maybe a week, even.

I've been preoccupied with FreeCell. It's mind-blowing how addictive this game is. I bought a PC game, Call of Juarez, and all the stuff I'd need to play it on my computer... but I haven't done it yet. I've been so lazy.

Well, I think I'm gonna go try to write now. More later. TTFN